RE: Want to get together at the Starbucks in town ?

From: Rachael@findsweethookups.com
Subject: Want to get together at the Starbucks in town ?
Date: Tue, 17 May 2011 15:01:24 -0500

Hey, I thought maybe we could hook up? Want to get a coffee somewhere .. the Starbucks in town works for me. Let me know.

You can get hold of me here http://www.findsweethookups.com/profiles.php?id=426062&to=duhgee

Love Rachael

   

From: Doug Bellows
Sent: Tuesday, May 24, 2011 4:42 PM
To: 'Rachael@findsweethookups.com'
Subject: RE: Want to get together at the Starbucks in town ?

Rachel,

You bet your boots we can hook up. I don't like coffee, but maybe we could meet in my friend's basement instead. He has a bumper pool table. I'm really good. His mom also bought freeze pops. Perhaps you could eat one in a suggestive manner, and I could use my imagination.

I have to admit, its really nice to hear from you. I've been really desperate. A few weeks ago, I made love to my neighbor's mailbox. That might sound strange, but it was beautiful. The mailman hasn't delivered there since.

I hope it isn't too soon to say this - but I think we're soul mates Rachel. I feel confident we will be very happy together. I have a Nintendo Wii. It will help us stay in shape so we remain sexually attractive. I heard that playing the Wii too much can give you arm cancer, but as long as we go through arm chemotherapy together, I don't care. I would even hold your cancer hand.

Let me know when you want to come over. I will pre-soften the beanbag chair for you.

Love,

Dougie-pants

RE: best place

> Date: Fri, 13 May 2011 10:08:48 -0500
> From: Ibarra7Z@homeway.com.cn
> To: duhgee@hotmail.com
> Subject: best place
>
> Dear Dante!
> We provide you an answer.
> Not only men have problems with sexual activity.
> http://tevzaqusuyr.com/?9508
> --
> Leigh Johnson

Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 8:55 AM
To: Ibarra7Z@homeway.com.cn'
Subject: RE: best place

Leigh,

It's me... Dante. For years, I have been saying problems with sexual activity aren't my fault - thank you for your support. I think we both know, when it comes to the ladies - I am like a mystical centaur, carrying a bow of passion that fires flaming arrows of sensuality and lust and sometimes orgasms. But even the greatest archer can sometimes miss his mark - like if he gets arm cramps or something.

Please provide me with the answer that I (Dante) so deeply desire. In preparation, I have already stripped down and begun to rub oil all over my body. You don't have to be uncomfortable though - I am wearing a very stylish vest. It draws attention away from my private area (which I like to call my "skin sword"). I am also watching a Golden Girls marathon to get me in the mood.

Please send women - or at the very least, a few effeminate men - to my home immediately, so I may conquer them like a raccoon conquering a small trash can. I will pay any amount. After all - I am Dante and I am rich. I have my own helicopter.

Fondest wishes,

Dante Bellows

PS. Skin sword!

RE: Hi

From: zhangsharin [mailto:sharinzhang2009@hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2011 5:57 PM
Subject: Hi

Hellooooo!

ISstill can't believe that!!! i made1like $43 usingBGoo0ogle :)))fhahahaha they really sent me the check today evening
that is the small amount but i had to work for like 2 hours & then i stopped... did not know they would really send me the money so fast :p

who says its a recession time period & no jobs lol ??? im making $$$ sitting home now ;p...

its so awesome!!! you can grab more info here.

From: Doug Bellows
Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2011 8:47 AM
To: 'sharinzhang2009@hotmail.com'
Subject: RE: Hi

Wait - did you say 43 dollars? That's almost 50 dollars! I used to say its a recession time, but I won't do that anymore. Sometime I would say to another human "its a recession time" - and they would reply "I agree." Now if that happens, I will fill their mouth will shiny nickels, and we will both rejoice.

I can't believe I'm living in a world where people are sending out 43 dollar checks to people... for only two hours of work. When I first received this email, I thought I must be dreaming - so I looked to see what pajamas I was wearing. If I had been dreaming, my pajamas would probably made of fine animal pelts, with numerous tassels and beads... I would look like an angel. Instead, I was wearing regular pajamas - so I was filled with joy... also, shame because of my simple pajamas... but mostly joy because of the 43 dollars that I would soon enjoy.

Given this opportunity, I have already called my boss and informed him of my new career. He said "what are you going to do now?", and my response was "After I have intimate relations with your wife, I will use the g0oo0gle... i will get 43 dollars" - then I made a "cha-ching" sound, to indicate my impending wealth. I recorded this conversation - I will send you an mp3 file later.

Please give me the details of this exciting money making offer. I am an expert at using the Goooo0gle. Sometime, when we are having fun at the dancing clubs, my friends will call me "Goo0gle" as a nickname. This makes me angry, because I prefer to be referred to as "The Golden Hawk"... with my 43 dollars, I will obtain new friends. Many of them will be attractive women, who I will let hold my 43 dollars sometimes. I may just makes photocopies of the money for them to hold. This will fool them, because they will be attractive and not smart.

Please send me the awesome details as soon as you can,

I love you,

Professor Douglas Bellows

University of America

RE: Director Request

> CC:
> From: martineze@okeysiteone.info
> Subject: DIRECTOR REQUEST
> Date: Thu, 19 May 2011 10:17:01 -0700
>
> FROM: FINBANK PLC
> LAGOS - NIGERIA
>
> WE HAVE BEEN MANDATED BY THE PRESIDENCY OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA, THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE AND THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA TO PAY ALL OUTSTANDING DEBTS TO CONTRACTORS ON BEHALF OF THE GOVERNMENT, THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE, THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA AND ALL OTHER COMMERCIAL BANKS THAT HAD THE MANDATE TO PAY FOREIGN CONTRACTORS IN THE PAST. THIS BECAME NECESSARY BECAUSE OF AMBIGUITIES THAT AROSE IN THE HANDLING OF PAYMENTS TO CONTRACTORS IN THE PAST.
>
> NOTE THAT YOUR TOTAL FUND WILL BE PAID TO YOU BY ATM CARD. YOUR ATM CARD FOR YOUR TOTAL CONTRACT VALUE OF $3.8M (THREE MILLION, EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) IS READY AND WILL BE SHIPPED TO YOU BY SPECIAL SHIPMENT. NOTE THAT WE HAVE A STANDARD WORKING AGREEMENT WITH AN INTERNATIONAL COURIER COMPANY TO DELIVER OUR ATM CARDS TO OUR CLIENTS ALL OVER THE WORLD.
>
> TREAT AS URGENT. ALSO, PLEASE RECONFIRM YOUR FULL ADDRESS FOR EASY DELIVERY OF YOUR ATM CARD. YOU CAN CONTACT ME ON TELEPHONE NUMBER: 2347037859104 AND EMAIL: operationsdepartmentfinintservic@yahoo.cn
> THANK YOU.
>
> MRS. SUZANNE IROCHE
> MANAGING DIRECTOR,
> FINBANK
> 

 Sent: Friday, May 20, 2011 9:17 AM
To: martineze@okeysiteone.info
Subject: RE: DIRECTOR REQUEST

Dear Mrs. Iroche,

I'm really looking forward to receiving my 3.8 million dollars. When I add that to my current net worth - I will be worth slightly more than 3.8 million dollars. This should finally help me get my rap career off the ground. I'm thinking of making a music video where I ride a jet-ski, then turn into a dolphin, then I jump over a bear that is swimming in the ocean, then I make love to a girl dolphin, then I spray grey goose out of my blow hole, then I fly (through the air) into a ferrari, then I drive for a while, then I drive home to see my human wife and half- dolphin children, then I notice that my childs dorsal fin is serrated, which obviously means that they are actually half-porpoise children. Realizing that my wife had cheated on me with a porpoise, I shoot a poisonous dart out of my blowhole, and she dies. Then some hoes come over. Its a metaphor for the public transit system in america.

 I used to be called "Li'l Snuggles." Thanks to my improved self-esteem, I'm thinking of making the change to "Poppa Snuggles." I briefly contemplated calling myself "The Sexual Hurricane" - but I felt it sounded a little too rapist-ish.  Let me know what you think.

Please send my ATM card as soon as possible. Below is my address:

America

I think the post office can take it from there.

I probably need to get it soon - I have already spent 2 million dollars. I just bought John Stamos' house on eBay. If he doesn't receive the money soon, he will give me negative feedback. He will also break my thumbs. . I need my thumbs for grasping things (pens, bananas, water bottles, small birds, etc.). I also enjoy giving thumbs up to people.... I'm giving you a thumbs up right now. I'm aiming directly at Nigeria. Given the speed a thumbs-up travels, you should be feeling it sometime tomorrow afternoon. If you're in southern Nigeria, you might not get it. I was aiming a little bit north.

Lastly, I'm going to be having a party this weekend. I just graduated with a degree in advanced bird studies. I don't like birds - but please don't tell my parents at my graduation party. Its going to be saturday night around 7. Please bring a dessert. Please note: I do not consider ice-cream cake to be cake - keep this in mind as you make your dessert choice. Also, bring my 3.8 million dollars - it will make me rich... that will show those birds.

See you Saturday,

Doug Bellows

Junior Bird Studyologist

BirdCo Inc.

RE: Registration Proclamation

(NOTE: for simplicity, the junk mail is in blue, and my replies are in black)
From: jack [mailto:jack@tz-nic.com]
Sent: Wednesday, May 11, 2011 8:50 PM
Subject: Registration Proclamation
Importance: High

(If you are not in charge of this please transfer this email to your President or appropriate person, thanks)

Dear President,

We are the department of Asian Domain registration service in china, have something to confirm with you. We formally received an application on  May 10, 2011. One company which self-styled "Kidcos Inc" were applying to register "globex" as Network Brand and following domain names:

globex.cn   
globex.co.in   
globex.com.cn   
globex.com.tw   
globex.hk   
globex.in   
globex.net.cn   
globex.org.cn   
globex.tw  

After our initial checking, we found the name were similar to your company's, so we need to check with you whether your company has authorized that company to register these names. If you authorized this, we will finish the registration at once. If you did not authorize, please let us know within 7 workdays, so that we will handle this issue better. Out of the time limit we will unconditionally finish the registration for "Kidcos Inc".

Best Regards,
                                   
Jack Hong

Registration Dept.

Tel: (+86) 028-85915586 || Fax: (+86) 028-85912116

Address:5/F,The East Building, No.4 HaiJiaoShi Street,JinJiang District,ChengDu.China

----- Original Message -----

From: Doug Bellows

To: jack

Date: 2011-05-12, 21:55:18

Subject: RE: Registration Proclamation

Mr. Hong,

Kidcos Inc is our arch rival. Those bastards!  They will stop at nothing to destroy our company. One time, they tried to burn down our headquarters - but we stopped them. This other time, they had a big party and didn't invite us. It made us very sad.

We must stop them from registering these domain names. The fate of Globex depends on it.

May the sun shine glowing beams of light through your eyes and into your soul - warming it like a bowl of hot soup,

Love,

Dr. Douglas Phinneas Bellows IV

President/Lead Zombie Scientist

Globex Inc.

From: jack [mailto:jack@tz-nic.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2011 7:58 PM
To: Doug Bellows
Subject: Re: RE: Registration Proclamation
Importance: High

Dear Sir,

we conclude that company "Kidcos Inc" is your emulant familiar with some information about your company, or "Kidcos Inc" is most likely to intend preempting registration of Domain names in advance, to use in unknown purpose in future.

Accordingly we suggest that to register these domain names by yourself is the best way of protecting intellectual property rights. if you need to register those domain names under your company name please contact us in time, then we'll help you to register and protect those domains.

Best Regards,

Jack Hong 

Tel :  +86-028-85915586 || Fax : +86-028-85912116

P Please consider the environment before you print this e-mail.

Mr. Hong,

At first, I agreed that we should quickly purchase those domain names before our smelly rival, Kidcos Inc, can get their tiny hands on them. Recently, on Facebook, Kidcos told one of their friends that Globex is a bunch of dorks. It hurt me, because they are obviously the ones that are dorks. OMG. Also, this other time, we were looking at pornography on our computer, and they totally walked in without knocking.

After careful thought, I got an idea: instead of buying the domain names, we should launch a ninja attack on them. We will pay you and your associates $40 each to storm their headquarters (which will henceforth be referred to as their fortress). We will also provide Globex branded ninja-outfits. You must provide any katana, swords or cross bows. We will provide nunchucks - but only the two ends. You must provide the chain/string that connects them. I would suggest attacking at dawn... or maybe a little later than dawn. You're going to want a good breakfast - their fortress is well protected. I heard they have a robotic pterodactyl that drowns its enemies with milkshakes. This may not sound bad - but the milkshakes are too thick and of poor quality.

If you agree to this plan, please look across the ocean and think of me. Our deep connection will allow me to telepathically know your answer.

Godspeed my friend. May your fingers be as fierce as tiny dragons,

Dr. Douglas Phinneas Bellows IV

President/Official SpokesModel

Globex Inc.